I was on the #14 bus yesterday from Fulham to Putney when I thought...I haven't updated my blog in a while. So..here I am kids.
Not quite sure what I'm going to write about. I don't lead an exciting life...I'm way too lazy for such things. I do however enjoy the art of bitching and gossipage. If there was an exam...I'd probably fail it, retake it and scrape a pass...but display a perfect bitching technique in practice. Ahem.
So, why (at the age of evil) are so many people rather childish about bitching? It's been occurring since the dawn of time, girls and gays gathering in groups to talk about the one we all love to hate. Or something along those lines, hate can be a harsh word children. Get used to it, suck it up and bitch some more.
My favourite person to bitch about is someone by the name of Yusef.
This is lesson 1. Always use code names. Means you can bitch about the person right under their nose. Makes the whole process much more enjoyable.
Oh but do try to think of a more normal name...
Yusef smells, and has awfully greasy hair.
Childish, but honest. Offer presents of shampoo and mouthwash. Huge vats of them if your bank account allows it.
Yusef in red, and bad clothes.
You must always be on the lookout for the said person, and ready to go into hiding. Preferably whilst humming the theme tune to Mission Impossible.
The best bitching is when the bitchees don't find out about it. And if they do find out...don't take it badly. It's your own fault for letting it get out.
Yusef bitching has been taking place for a very long time now. Yusef is yet to find out, and if he/she did...I'd enjoy it because then I could bitch more about the stupid greasy smelly eejit. Fun times!
Need me a burn book fo sho'.
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